Meaningful Conversations with Your Kids: A Few Good Questions Go a Long way

melanie9554
Jul 10
4 min read

Melanie Zwyghuizen | Gen 1 Parenting

You’re heading out on a summer trip. Maybe it’s a long drive, a hike, or just some downtime at the lake. You’ve got snacks packed, sunscreen applied… and part of you is hoping for something more than just logistics and sibling squabbles.

You want real connection.You want to hear what your kid is really thinking, what’s on their heart. But where do you even start?

I've heard from parents who say that their kids just "won't talk". They ask them questions and kids just say the same things. Maybe you've tried "How was camp?" "How was your friend's house?" and they shrug and say "fine" or "good".

I've seen that asking a different type of question can crack open a meaningful conversation. Though not every question will hit with every kid, keep in mind the goal isn’t to get answers like in an interrogation; it’s to build relationship. So don't give up!

Here are a few ways to begin.

A Few Ground Rules Before You Ask

Don’t rapid-fire. Pick one or two questions. Let it breathe. Let them think.
Listen more than you talk. Not every answer needs a follow-up story or a life lesson. (oof...I feel that one deeply!)
Stay curious. That’s how trust builds. A great follow-up that help you continue to curiously listen is "Tell me more about that."
Watch your body language. You don’t need to react or fix. Just be present.
Put your phone down. Please! They can tell when they don’t have your full attention.
Find the time and space. Find what works for you and your family. Find a time when everyone is relaxed and not in a hurry. Remember, it's not an interrogation, so having everyone relaxed helps open up the conversation. Every conversation doesn't have to be deep and heavy, but getting kids to open up takes intentionality. Some find that a long car ride is a great space/time, others find dinner time to be the best, while others use bedtime. It all depends on you and your kids. You're the expert on them so I know you'll find what works! (Pro tip: Have teens? Young adults? Even though YOU may be ready for bed at 9:30, they are usually open to talking more later in the night. I remember many a times I wanted to head to bed but was glad I stuck around for what turned into a few hours of great conversations with them!)

Getting to Know the Real Them

What are the three most interesting things about you?
If you had a time machine for one day, where would you go?
What’s your idea of an amazing day?
If you could instantly be great at something, what would it be?
What do you want people to know about you that you don't think they do?

Talking About Your Relationship

What’s your favorite thing about us?
Is there something I could do better as your parent? (If you are brave enough to ask this, remember to keep your body language and voice neutral. Their response may trigger something in you, but you cannot defend yourself or get upset! Listen. Listen. Listen. "Thank you for telling me that.")
If we had a whole day just the two of us, what would you want to do?
Do you feel like you can talk to me about anything?

About Your Family

What’s your favorite family tradition?
What do you think makes a family feel close?
If you could change one rule in our family, what would it be?
How are you most like me? How are you different?

Real Life + Hard Feelings

What do you do when you’re feeling really mad?
What helps you when you're sad or stressed?
Have I ever missed it when you were hurting?
When you’re upset, do you want me to stay close or give you some space?

Values + Character

What kind of person do you want to be?
What’s a time you helped someone and felt proud of it?
What does the word “respect” mean to you?
How can we make the world better, even in a small way?

Screens + Social Media

How do you feel after spending a lot of time on screens?
Do you think we have fair screen rules in our family?
What’s something you’ve seen online that made you think?
What's something you've seen online that made you feel uncomfortable?

School + Learning

What surprised you today?
What’s something you’ve learned outside of school recently?
Who’s a teacher that really helped you feel seen?
Do you think being smart and being wise are the same thing?

Friends + Peers

Who’s someone you trust, and why?
What do you look for in a friend?
What do you do when you and a friend disagree?
Have you ever felt peer pressure? What did it feel like?

Bigger Questions (For When They’re Ready)

What do you think makes a person ready to be in a relationship?
What makes someone attractive to you beyond looks?
Do you ever struggle with faith in God? Why or why not? (I know this can be a scary one to open up if you are a Jesus follower like me. But trust me—if you can truly listen, it can open the door to much deeper conversations as you nurture a real faith in them)
What do you think happens after we die?
How will you know if you’ve lived a good life?
What does success in this life mean to you?

Hey Parents,

You don’t need to have all the answers. (Good thing, because who does??) You don’t even need to have a perfect response when they open up. In fact, it's best when you don't! You just need to show them that you’re listening, that you care about what they have to say, and that they’re not alone in this big, beautiful, sometimes confusing world. One question at a time. One moment at a time. That’s how deep connection grows.

Learning to talk less and listen more can be challenging for us parents. If you're looking for more help and ways to connect with your kids and grow your relationship, remember that it's never too late! I can help guide you into better relationship with your kids of any age. Schedule your [Free 15 minute consult] today! You don't have to figure this out all alone.

-Melanie