When the World Shakes, Your Kids Watch: How to Be Their Steady Place

Melanie Zwyghuizen | Gen 1 Parenting

I originally wrote this post at the start of COVID, but its message holds true anytime we find ourselves parenting through anxious seasons. I still remember navigating the aftermath of the September 11 attacks in 2001, when my kids were just 2, 4, and 6 years old. Today, many of the parents I work with are grappling with a new wave of uncertainty—whether it's economic instability, cultural division, or the constant barrage of world events. And just like before, our kids are feeling the ripple effects. How we parent through these challenging times matters more than ever.

March 2020

Lately, a theme keeps popping up: anxiety is on the rise. And of course it is — these are unknown, scary times.We’re living through a collective trauma.

Trauma is simply defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. By that definition, this season absolutely qualifies.

As an educator, I’ve learned a lot about trauma and its effects on children and learning. One truth has always stood out: no matter the size or shape of the trauma, the best way to buffer its effects is through the presence of a loving, supportive adult.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

My “kids” aren’t little anymore, yet two of them are back home, riding out this uncertain season with us. And even though they’re older, one thing hasn't changed: kids are always watching and learning. Which makes me ask myself:

• How am I choosing to handle this?

• How am I helping to buffer this experience for them?

• What are they seeing in me?

The truth is, I have choices every day. Am I dealing with my anxiety by drinking more wine than usual? Am I lashing out — at others, at them? Am I glued to 24/7 news cycles, panic scrolling through article after article, instead of being present? Or am I seeking peace, even in the middle of fear?

Because here's the thing: Our kids will remember this time. Just like past generations were shaped by the traumas of their era, this will leave its mark.

What will our legacy be?

I'm not suggesting we fake it, deny reality, or sugarcoat things for them. But I am saying we need to find a healthy balance.

So what can we do?

(If you're a Jesus-following parent like me, here’s where I think we start: Center yourself in God's truth. Pray. Breathe. Remember who is still on the throne).

Here are some guidelines to find that balance that apply to every parent:

• Tell age-appropriate truths. Kids don’t need every detail, but they do need honesty.

• Listen. Acknowledge their fears and questions without minimizing them.

• Model healthy coping. Share your struggles honestly, but show what it looks like to turn to healthy outlets — not destructive ones.

• Find joy in the simple things. Laugh together. Play. Be silly.

• Create moments of peace. Embrace the slower pace when you can.

• Be thankful. Name the good things, out loud and often.

• Offer grace. To them. To yourself. To everyone.

  These are strange and stressful times — no doubt about it. Many are looking to political and community leaders to guide us. But our kids? They’re looking to us.They’re taking their cues from the way we love, the way we lead, and the way we lean into hope when everything else feels shaky.

  
  

Hey Parents,

Let's be the steady leader our kids need us to be—no matter what life throws our way. You don't have to figure it out all alone! Get support for your journey. [Book a 15-minute free consultation]

-Melanie